It's Feels Like Fall...

This morning I was watching the weather report and there are supposed to be windgusts up to 40 mph. So I was a bit unnerved when I walked outside this morning, I was completely surprised by the crisp, Fall feeling in the air.

You know, the one where when you breathe in, a bit of cold follows... or it's like the air is so crisp your hair is going to behave perfectly... or that the natural electricity in the air makes you feel so alive and that it's the perfect day to wander around and not be in an office. I guess that might be what summer is for most people, but after 10 years of distinct seasons, I didn't know what I was missing until today. I know that I can't be alone in my feelings.

I feel a bit like I'm just looking at my life go by from the outside in... not really living in the moment. People are fine, there isn't a want of things to do, work is fine, everything is fine, but nothing is in color...it's not shades of grey, it's just sepia-toned.

I am so homesick for NYC today that it actually physically hurts.

I already know what today would be... if it were a workday, I'd leave my windows open (having taken my allergy medication), walked through Central Park, debated whether or not to take the subway, and instead have walked to work, been a bit late, and worked at my small desk so I could look out the window all day. Today's the first day that you'd need both a sweater and a scarf, but I would also time myself for each block as I walked home, so that I could create that "create your own wind" feeling when walking. I'd take the opportunity to look up at the sky and notice that it was getting darker sooner, and notice that other people were hurrying home head down, buried in their coats. I'd take the long way home, and cut through the park, so you could see the cyclists and runners, and I'd pause for a few minutes and just people watch, facing into the park, and hear the sounds of the city. With all that walking, it'd make me want to cook or at least make a huge fresh salad, 'cause who am I kidding, I can't cook to save my life. But I'd walk back from Whole Foods, weighed down by groceries, say hello to my doorman, grab my mail and head upstairs. Leave the blinds open and look down towards Lincoln Center and maybe pour myself a glass of wine. I'd leave the windows open until the apartment became a wind tunnel and pull out my warm and soft PJs, actually make my bed by piling on the blankets, grab a book, no tv, and read until it was time for bed. The perfect Fall work day. The next day, shopping for sure, bright and early and it'd be the last outdoor brunch with friends until late Spring rolled around.

I can almost sense every taste, smell, sound, sight, and texture... and it's just out of reach. It's not loneliness that I suffer from here... it's just such an acute sense of nostalgia that I feel for the place I still call home. It's not a joking, "well you should go back to NYC..." It's like I'm standing at a window looking in and I can't ever have what's on the other side of that glass... ever.